If you’re the type of person who loses their cool easily, then you’re certainly not alone. People get hot and bothered about all kinds of things on a regular basis. Conflict is part of our daily life. It’s unavoidable at work, school, or at home. When people spend a lot of time stuck together they get sick of each other. That makes it that much easier for there to be misunderstandings, hurt feelings, anger and grudges. The important thing is for people to control their anger. If you are unable to pick your battles or simply can’t control yourself when you’re angry, then you will have problems interacting with people for the rest of your life. Not only that, you could get kicked out of school, lose your job, or even do some jail time. Ezine Articles gives you ten ways to handle your anger so that you won’t lose more than your temper.
Anger Management – 10 Top Tips to Put You Back in Control of Your Temper!
1. Take a deep breath … wait… take a few more…
Breathing calms the body, and by reducing the physical signs of anger, calms the mind. When something has angered you, rather than erupting spontaneously, or sending off an angry letter or email, breathe deeply and then exhale – and the exhalation should be longer and more complete then the in-breath (say, in for seven seconds and out for ten). Repeat this several times and continue until you’re physically calm.
2. Don’t deny your anger………..but consider the consequences
Anger should not be suppressed. Storing anger only builds to a more explosive eruption later. It’s best to “use it and lose it” – i.e. let go of the anger, NOT lose your temper. Anger can be used appropriately or inappropriately. It is appropriate when you use it to achieve a desired outcome. It is inappropriate when the anger uses you, takes over and brings about an unconsidered and unwanted outcome.
3. Eat properly …. and drink sensibly
Healthy but not excessive eating, drinking lots of water, avoiding enjoying tea, coffee and alcohol but not in excess are all sensible responses to irrational emotion or tiredness. They may also prevent and control stress headaches.
4. Recognise tiredness and stress
One of the most common places we recognise that we are tired and/or stressed is in a car. This is where most arguments between spouses or companions occur. The trigger may be not following the best route, heavy traffic or the poor control of another driver. The consequences of losing your temper may be an insufferable journey or, worse, an accident. You might injure someone, kill or be killed. Rather breathe deeply and wait.
5. Control your environment
As anger specialist Mike Fisher* says, ” Anger thrives in a toxic environment, feeding on itself. If you manage to stay calm at work or in a car, other people will be less stressed and angry, which will in turn help you to control your own anger”. If need be, take time out and remove yourself from the place of the dispute temporarily. Step outside for some fresh air if at all possible or employ some other kind of diversionary tactic.
6. Anger as a justified response to wrong-doing should be proportionate
There are times and situations when it is completely appropriate to be angry, but when for example, one goes into a rant because one of your employees has dropped and smashed a glass, this is disproportionate. On the other hand, becoming apoplectic at the breakage of a valuable antique vase is by no means unjustified! However, it won’t help the person responsible who will, assuredly, be feeling pretty bad with no help from you.
7. Focus on the issue rather than on the person
When we are angry it is easy to use terms like “you always get things wrong when you speak to clients”, but this tends to bring about a response like “no, I don’t always, just in this case, but you always say always!!” Focusing on the issue will produce a very different and less emotional response. Do try not to generalise if you must vent your anger.
8. Get help
If you are in a persistently stressed and angry state to the detriment of your health, wellbeing, and relationships with others, it is really sensible to seek help from a doctor, therapist or coach. Help may come in the form of advice, medication or suggestion for life-style change, but someone else is far more likely to see the bigger picture.
9. Join a support group
Examples would be The British Association of Anger Management or Alcoholics Anonymous, or your place of worship – one’s church, mosque or synagogue. Joining a meditation, yoga or tai-chi group often provides a nurturing community for dealing with lower-level stress.
10. Take responsibility
A problem may be caused by another person, or situation, but until you recognise that the greater problem of your excessive response to a negative situation rests with you rather than with others, you are unlikely to improve the situation. As soon as you start to blame others, focus on your own errors or misconceptions that have clouded the picture, and accept responsibility.
Don’t respond to taunting or insults with physical violence. Sure, you’ll feel satisfied for a few seconds after you hit them but after that you have to face the consequences, which could be anything from explusion to jail time. The person you hit wins, because you’re the one who pays the consequences. If you don’t think you can act rationally toward the person you’re mad at, then get away. Change seats, leave the room, or avoid that person for awhile. There is nothing wrong or cowardly about avoiding a person you know will get you into trouble. Just ask yourself if the person is worth landing yourself in juvey for. If the answer is no, then you don’t need to be fighting that person.